My Soul to Keep
By Amber


He moved swiftly through the crowded street, intent on making his meeting in a timely manner with as few distractions as possible. When he reached his destination, a subsidiary for the Winner Corp, he paused in front of the massive chrome and glass building blazoned with the name and logo above the doors. Trowa stared upward in awe before he finally lost the building within the clouds. Oblivious to the impatient pedestrians brushing pass him, his eyebrow rose at Quatre's idea of a small holding. Taking the elevator, he shot straight up. Two secretaries and an assistant later, he finally reached the inner sanctum. Once he was cleared through the assistant, he assured her he could find his own way.

Closing the door, he only had to wait a second before Quatre glanced up and smiled. "Trowa, welcome. I'm almost finished."

He shrugged, "No problem."

"Any trouble finding it?"

Trowa's mouth smiled slightly, "No, but sometime we have to have a talk about your definition of small."

Quatre smiled, "I guess compared to our other holdings, I tend to see it as small,” he said modestly. “I'm so pleased you called me. I didn't think the circus was scheduled here for another week!"

Trowa eyed him speculatively. "No? As interested as you are in Catherine, I'm surprised." Trowa watched him blush with some amusement before casually changing the topic. "I saw on the newsvid Relena went back to work."

Quatre frowned, "She goes into the office, Ms. Lucrezia goes over various documents with her that require her signature, then leaves or so I'm told. But…"

"But?" Trowa prompted.

"I'm worried her sight hasn't returned, and she's still refusing a doctor of any kind."

"Is that why you've stayed here this long on earth?"

Quatre stood moving to the window. He stared out into the horizon. "Partially. Dorothy called me last week."

Trowa drew closer, sitting on the corner of the desk. "I didn't know you kept in touch."

He shrugged, "We don't, not really. We see each other at various functions, we have common political interests, but that's about it. She kept in touch with Miss Relena more than anyone. She called me because she knew I had at least seen Relena. Apparently she's been trying to reach her with no success. Miss Lucrezia and Zechs don't really care for her so their not very forth coming."

"So she's not calling,” he shrugged, “not extraordinary under the circumstances."

Quatre sighed before turning to face him. "Apparently she felt alarmed enough to contact me. Dorothy has been uncomfortable with me since Libra so she doesn't willingly initiate contact with me if she can avoid it."

Quatre rubbed the back of his neck tiredly, "So in the months since we were last together nothing has improved. Yes, she went back to work but I think that was more for others than herself." He lifted his head and met Trowa's eyes worriedly. "The spark is gone." He gestured with his hand helplessly trying to explain the inexplicable. "I get a sense of people in different ways. With Relena, she blazes like a star; it warms and beckons. I never told anyone this. I--"

He hesitated, uncertain, drawing a steadying breath. He searched Trowa's face intently. Trowa sat there silent, patiently letting him decide what he chose to confide. He began hesitantly, not wanting to awaken painful memories.

"Right after I went crazy, after we battled, Heero and I were captured. They confiscated Wing, of course, they were fascinated. Surprisingly enough they also had your suit or what was left." He swallowed painfully, his voice dropping to a whisper. "I broke away. I just needed to make sure you were." Then he shook his head, forcing himself on. "They were going to kill Heero and I when the tide turned. The Trieze faction gained the upper hand and we were taken this time to the scientists. Allah knows how they managed to survive, but they did. The situation didn't remain stable for long because Oz recovered almost immediately and we exchanged ourselves to prevent further bloodshed. It was no surprise they were equally fascinated with Wing Zero. Oz wanted to get a sense of how it reacted with different Gundam pilots. They hooked Heero up to Wing and that's when things went crazy. For a while, I thought we were both history. He wiped out most of the satellite. I thought he was going to destroy me as well when suddenly I felt something change. It was…" He shook his head, falling silent at a loss for words.

"Go on,” Trowa urged softly, “something changed."

Quatre nodded. "The cockpit opened and he fell out." He looked at Trowa,his eyes haunted with memories. "I've never seen anything like it, Trowa. When I got to him, he was glowing. He murmured a name. I didn't make the connection until later, but when I touched him… I felt it again, stronger this time through him. I mean, it was him, yet not him. It was Heero, yet more…it was stronger, richer… it was.. Beautiful." Quatre lifted his hand unknowingly mimicking his actions of so long ago. "We went to Earth after that,” he smiled sadly, ”and that's where I felt it again, when I met Relena."

Trowa frowned. Quatre stood abruptly, "That spark, that which is so uniquely Relena is like a candle. Now, Trowa, in all the time I've known her, it burned so brightly. Now, it's nearly extinguished."

"Quatre." He walked over to him clasping his shoulder. "I don't pretend to understand what you’re saying, but it doesn't mean I doubt you."

"I know." He forced a smile, "My sisters say I mother hen too much. But I've had this all my life, it's as natural for me as breathing. It's not that I mean to intrude but…" He trailed off as Trowa slowly dropped his hand and moved away. "Trowa, I've noticed a change in you as well.

"Quatre," his tone warned.

He ignored him and plunged on, "They’re warm and gentle. It's similar to what I pick up from you when Catherine is around, except this is much more intense. Trowa, I'm worried about you. For her, there is no one but Heero, especially now."

He turned, looking over his shoulder. "I know."

"Trowa," Quatre shook his head sadly.

He looked down, pushing his hands in his pockets, "Like you said, you can't help being drawn to her. Her smile alone offers everything I've ever wanted but knew I'd never have. I always admired her. She was an ideal, critical to peace. But gradually…” He smiled, “I never thought about it until recently."

Quatre blinked suddenly making the connection. "Her birthday party…O no…then a month later they announce their engagement."

Trowa looked up, steadily meeting his gaze, neither confirming nor denying it. But Quatre noticed. He was strangely at peace about it. Still, his heart ached for both of his friends, Relena because she was already hurting. And Trowa, well…the path he had chosen would be a difficult one, if not impossible. Quatre smiled sympathetically, offering the only consolation he could. "I think Heero would be comforted knowing you care."




The moon slid through the sheer curtains, gradually creeping toward the bed's restless occupant, serene in her indifference to the night terrors. Plaguing the one within her silvery light was not without some mercy, though. Darkened circles evident in the light of day seemed less noticeable in the shadows, prominent bones and hollows in her face that weeks of grief produced were not as brutal in the murky light.

But where the moon’s reflection could be viewed as sympathetic, the young woman's mind was not. Unrelenting, there was no escaping the constant onslaught of memories that were both a curse and a blessing. Moaning, she rolled again, becoming tangled in the covers, she seemed to settle for a while before the assault began again. With no relief in sight, her mind and body all ready pushed past her physical limits sought the only option open to express herself.

Relena shifted restlessly. Her head turned. Smiling, she looked into eyes so blue, she had only seen them on one person. She lifted her hand to cup his face. When his expression flinched, blood poured from his mouth. Whimpering, she reached for him, only to have him move further away. Shaking off her shock, she went to step forward, when she noticed the blood soaking his shirt. Taking a jerky step forward, she grabbed him with shaking hands. She frantically searched his bloody body for a wound, some sign of where he was hurt. Chanting his name like a litany, she looked up at his face, only to see eyes that once burned fiercely now lifeless and glassy in death. She couldn't help it. Then sheer horror and denial took over and Relena gave voice to her pain, anger, and her grief.

Snapping up in the bed, Relena screamed over and over before her nightmare retreated in the foggy recesses of her mind. Slowly, the realization that she had been dreaming once again returned her to the present. Detached, she heard the door click open and sensed movement a split second before arms enfolded her in a comforting embrace. The familiar scent of her brother offered a temporary solace from the pain. Burrowing her face in the crook of his neck, Relena resigned herself to enduring the endless ache. Grabbing for a moments respite, she borrowed some of her brother's strength and let the hot tears bathe them both as she mourned her lost love and all those lost tomorrows together.