My Soul to Keep
By Amber



Duo leaned against the terrace doors, watching her stare blindly into the horizon. She was doing that a lot lately, no matter how much they reached out to her.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this Maxwell, but good work. Still, I'm curious, what's your angle in all this?” Duo glanced over his shoulder at Zechs and shrugged before he turned back to watch Relena. Zechs moved into the study and he joined him at the terrace doors.

"I just couldn't stand it anymore," Duo said conversationally. "It was like loosing both of them. I'm not even sure what I tried worked. Relena was becoming too much like Heero, and she's not equipped to hold all that pain inside. She won't last long if she doesn't give expression to her grief." Duo studied the man that was Relena's brother curiously. "She tell you how we met?" Zech's shrugged silently. Duo smirked, returning his gaze out the window, but his face softened.

"It was while you were doing your damnedest to destroy us rebels. Heero, I learned later, had crashed into the ocean. I had retrieved his suit and planned on using it for a spare. That's when I came upon them. He was about to shoot her when I stopped him." Duo smiled, "For Heero, I know now that was par for the course, no one or thing must stop the mission. Do you know even after that she wouldn't let me hurt him? But I wonder now if I was really the one that stopped him or if he allowed himself to be stopped. After that, the three of us kept coming together over and over. Oujsan seemed so alone even then, and maybe in the end, that's what drew them to each other, they saw something in one another that only the other could fill. My angle?"

Duo shifted to look at him, only to realize Zechs had been watching him closely. "We were drawn together by chance and in spite of jobs and distance we stayed close because of how we felt about one another. I love Lena like the sister I never had." Duo tilted his head thoughtfully. "I think,” he paused, “the fact that she cares for me the same way bothers you. Behind those perfect manners and that perfect breeding that won’t let you admit to the more mundane feelings the rest of us have, you’re jealous."

Zechs inclined his head before swinging away to sit on the corner of the desk. "Maybe. I can't imagine why I should be angry or frustrated, even envious. It's not her fault. I remember having a sister and she has no memories of me at all. That’s because of the choices I made. Complete strangers are closer to her than I am. Or that fate decided to make me the opponent of the one man on the planet she chose to fall in love with, further creating a wall between us? But even then, I didn't wish the man harm I was wary of who and what he was, but I respected him. No, I worried about this being the one thing that would rob me of my sister once and for all, and I would be right back where I was before: alone. Now, what was that you were saying about mundane?" Zechs’ mouth quirked sardonically. "So you see, Maxwell, I'm not as altruistic as Relena. You say you think of her as a sister. Fine, keep it that way. She's not able to handle anything else right now."

Duo's mouth dropped open before he grinned. "Aahh, you thought?"

He stared at Duo intently, "Are you telling me I'm off base? I've seen the way you look at her, even if she hasn't."

He grew thoughtful; "In the beginning, yes. She's a beautiful girl who happens to be just as beautiful on the inside. It draws people to her. But for her, there was only Heero and I…well, I met Hilde."

Zechs stood up, nodding at Duo. "Then we understand one another. If you'll excuse me." He brushed by Duo and went out onto the terrace, closing the door they stared into each other's eyes a moment before Duo watched him approach Relena. By passing the other available chair, he chose to sit on the ground by her side. Duo shivered. "Brr,” he said humorously, “talk about the iceman cometh."

He jerked his head around as the door swung in. "O Duo, have you seen Zechs?"

Duo jerked his head toward the terrace as Lucrezia crossed the study joining him. "Ahh,” she sighed. She looked at Duo ruefully. "What did he do now?"

Duo shook his head, amused in spite of himself. "He was asking me my intentions." His lips twisted in derision, "Apparently, I'm not good enough for his sister."

She lifted her hand, resting it on his shoulders. She had the privilege of knowing them as boys and seeing them grow into fine, honorable men, which was why she felt at peace with what she was about to do. If anyone could understand the complexity of Zechs, it would be them.

She shook her head. "It's not that. We all have moments in our lives when we feel powerless, feel like we should have been able to do something to alter the out come."

Duo frowned, "Are you talking about Heero's death?"

She met his eyes briefly before glancing back at Relena and Zechs. He had taken her hand and, as far as Lucrezia could tell, there was no conversation. They were just sitting there enjoying each other's company. She sighed, "Partially, but it goes further than that. It started with the fall of Sanq, the murder of their parents. It doesn't matter that he was a child himself, helpless to stop it. He feels there should have been something more he could have done. There wasn't, though. All he could do was get Relena out. The problem is, he's too close to see what an accomplishment that was. Grown men would have had trouble, much less a boy, but do it he did." She crossed her arms to ward off the chill at thinking of two children traveling alone all that distance so the Darlian's would keep Relena safe and hidden. "He realized he couldn't take care of her, but he still feels he abandoned her by leaving her alone with them. Once he decided to become Zechs Merquise, he stayed away to protect her, so that if he failed, then he wouldn't take her down with him. Now that he's found her, it's one unending first date."

She surprised a laugh from him at that. "A what?"

Lucrezia returned his smile briefly before elaborating. "He's always on guard like a first date you meet someone. You really want them to care for you, so you’re constantly on guard as to not make any mistakes or to disappoint them. Unfortunately, Relena is intuitive enough to pick up his unease and reacts to it. She doesn't know the why of it, but she senses he's uneasy around her, so she acts accordingly. It's a vicious circle."

Duo shook his head, "Are we talking about the same guy? The same girl? Relena manages to care about everyone unconditionally."

She nodded, "I know and logically he knows that as well, but then logic rarely enters into it when your heart is involved, now does it?"

Duo stuffed his hands in his pockets and glanced toward bother and sister. "Sounds like Heero's death is bringing out a lot of things we all thought were resolved." He turned toward the door. "Tell Lena I'll talk to her later. Right now, I'm going to tell Hilde how much I love her." He opened the door, then hesitated, looking back at her with unusual seriousness.

"One of many things I've learned from this is that we can't live in the past but in the here and now. Life is too precious to waste time on regrets or what ifs. Zechs could have lost her if it wasn't for Heero, so instead of living in the past maybe he should make new memories with her in the now.” Duo smiled sadly. “Maybe he should spend more time telling his wife how lucky he is to have her. Maybe it’s all time we count our blessings. Whichever the case, some day, Relena is going to leave. She doesn't know it now, but she has too much heart to crawl in the grave with Heero. and that's not what he would have wanted for her anyway. Once Zechs calms down over Relena's close call, he'll realize that himself.” He shrugged, “We're all going to die. What we do with the time we're here is what is really important."



Zech's drew a shaky breath, yet none of it showed on his face nor would it ever unless he desired it. He had spent too many years where it was literally a matter of life and death should he forget for one moment. Hadn't Yuy's death showed him he couldn't afford to become lax? He would not lose his last connection to the child he once was before war and death ripped their world apart. He stood by her chair, watching her solemn face before collapsing on the concrete beside her.

"Milliardo,” she murmured, ‘you’re angry. Why?"

He started a moment before taking her hand, looking at the carefully shaped nails. He gently turned her hand over, looking at the delicate smooth skin. So small. So fragile to hold the fate of a world in her hands. He smiled sadly. So clean.

"How did you know it was me?" he asked, stalling.

A smile curved her lips. "You move as silently as Heero does, but.." She stopped abruptly realizing what she said, and he watched her pull away. Her face grew pinched and drawn. "I smelled the shampoo you use and the cologne you wear,” she finished almost inaudibly.

"Relena, sweet heart," he began awkwardly. He leaned his forehead on her leg. "I'm sorry, so very sorry."

She lifted her hand, hesitating. Nothing between her and Milliardo had ever come easy. So much pain and guilt, too much unspoken between them, never enough time, never the right time to try and breach the gap, it had been always something. She gently laid her hand on his hair, softly stroking the silky strands. "I know,” she spoke through the tears clogging her throat, “but you can't protect me from life. As long as I live, I'll have to take my chances just like everyone else. Don't protect me. I lost the man I love because of his determination to protect me at all cost." Her hand clenched in his hair. Bending her head, her hair slid forward shielding them both within a screen of blonde. "Promise me!"

Turning his head, he laid his cheek on her leg, exhaling a shaky breath. His arms slid up and around her waist hugging her. "I can't promise you that. Nothing in the world means more to me than you and Lucrezia, and I will do anything in my power to insure you both are always safe."

Relena's head came up. Closing her eyes tightly, she tried to prevent tears from slipping out the corners and sliding silently down her cheeks. Her hand shakily resumed stroking his hair, but was she was trying to comfort him or herself? She couldn't say.