My Soul to Keep
Chapter 8
By Amber



Relena stood there smiling while she allowed her mind to drift. Nothing was required of her now, except her best game face, so she tuned out Walsh's acceptance speech until it was a small annoying buzz in the back of her mind. She was free. Such as it was, the people had a new symbol to carry the torch for them. And she, well...she could peacefully fall apart now. Hadn't she been strong all these months? The press called her their “brave little dove”. What a load of crock. She smiled mentally. Ahh, the press. Everything and one is fodder for the mill, even the death of her beloved Heero. Well it wasn't her problem anymore. Now it was Walsh's headache. Idly, she realized her face hurt. When was the last time she smiled naturally? She sighed. One more hour and she was answerable to only herself.

The break room at Preventers HQ was solemn as they watched the farewell of one administration and the heralding in of another. It didn't matter that it was with the full blessing of the past ministry. For several, it seemed the final straw. Duo shook his head. Sliding down from the back of the chair, he slouched deeper into the seat.

"Man, I never thought I would see the day. I really thought in the end she would change her mind."

Trowa looked at Duo thoughtfully before turning to stare intently at the screen. She had lost weight. Of course, only those that knew her could detect the changes…eyes a little too bright, posture a shade too stiff, smile a tad too brittle. Relena was hanging in there, a trooper until the end. What happens, though, once she's no longer required to put on a brave front? Trowa shook off his thoughts when he realized Wufei was speaking. In the months leading up to this, he had said surprisingly little about Relena's decision. Now, apparently, he had made up his mind.

"Under the circumstances, she's doing the right thing."

Duo jerked his head around and glared. "How can you say that?"

Wufei turned and walked towards the door. Pausing, he glanced back to meet Duo's glare before letting his eyes briefly take in the image on the screen. "Will you look at her, really look at her, with your head, not your heart? That is a woman who considers the price she's paid too high. And in light of who and what she's lost, I can't say I blame her."

Duo shook his head, "Am I the only one that sees something wrong with this picture? Trowa?"

He straightened. "Duo, it doesn't matter what you or I think. It's what Relena believes."

Duo dropped his head in his palm. "But she isn't moving forward."

Trowa joined Wufei. "I know, but right now that too is her choice."



"Minister, shall I escort you to your car?"

"That won’t be necessary. The minister has a ride if she wishes."

Relena turned toward the voice. A slow smile finally graced her face. "Quatre, now what brings you here?"

He moved forward in a calculatedly casual move, making her seem less dependent than she was, and placed her hand upon his arm. They moved off through the throngs of people, her guards at a discreet distance. Quatre's eyes slid over her, cataloging the changes before striving for a nonchalant tone. "I need a favor."

"Ahh, Quatre, I'm of little use of late, but ask me. If it's within my power, it's yours."

"I'm going to Arabia for a few weeks. I want to invite Catherine."

Relena smiled and patted his arm. "Good for you. Don't waste time, you never know when…" she trailed off. Quatre drew her to a halt and moved in front of her. Quatre cupped her face between his palms before tilting her head upward so he could better gage her reaction. The youthful hints in the boy had been fulfilled; Quatre had grown into that promised height, but still retained that reed thin slimness, never developing the more delineated muscularity that was so apparent in the other pilots. And, while Relena had grown a bit taller, it had still been necessary, even when she had her sight, to look up to meet their eyes.

"Relena, I want to tell her that. In part, it's to help me with you. I would like you to be my guest for the time she's there."

He watched a shadow flicker across her face. "And is it for me?"

"I want time with Catherine without awkwardness, without a feeling of pressure that comes with expectations. I'd be lying if I didn't say I hope this somehow gives you some benefit. I would love nothing better than to have my friend wake up there and to be able to see and appreciate the beauty of my home." He stepped back. Taking her hand, once more guiding her toward the limos.

"What about Trowa?"

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "What about Trowa?"

"Why don't you ask him?" She felt him shrug.

"Because he also has his duties with the Preventers. He is, of course, welcome, but I don't expect him." He felt her move abruptly.

"That makes you uneasy. Why?" He watched her face turn serenely blank. Quatre retreated, sighing mentally. He pushed too hard and resolved to be more patient. "Please think about it. I know how smothering at times older siblings can be, even when they mean well. You can use this time as you choose without the added pressure of the press and ‘Zechs and Co.’ mothering you," he said wryly.

Relena laughed, "O, he's not quite that bad…well, maybe he is, but I know I'm driving him to distraction. He wants nothing more than to fix it for me and, unfortunately, some things are just not fixable. Maybe it would do us all a world of good." Relena murmured. "Milliardo needs to spend some time with Lucrezia without worrying about me."

Quatre slowly stopped, keeping the excitement from his voice and his body language relaxed. "So can I take it to mean I'll have two lovely ladies to keep company with?"

She shifted his direction, "When?"

Quatre continued calmly, "Trowa is already here, so I was shooting for leaving by the end of the week with Catherine meeting us there."

"Can I get back to you?"

"Of course. Would you like that ride home?"

She smiled sadly, "You've given me a lot to think about. I'll take my car for now."

He nodded. "Of course. Call me. You know where to reach me." Quatre bent, opening her door. He took her hand and gently pulled her forward.

Relena abruptly stopped and pulled him into a hug. "You are a good friend, Quatre, and I do love you for caring, I do." She lifted her hand slowly. Feeling her way upward, she cupped his cheek. "Don't wait too long to seize your happiness. Life is too fickle if you love her. Go after her and don't stop until you have her." Pulling away, she felt along the door. Getting herself oriented, she placed herself in the car.

Quatre closed the door, then turned,nodding to security as they raced to their usual positions. Stepping back, he watched her car slowly pull away before acknowledging the presence at his side. "You saw?" Trowa stared in the direction the car went. "Mm, what was her reaction?"

Quatre sighed, "Surprisingly better than I thought. She thinks Zechs and Miss Lucrezia need some time alone."

Trowa's mouth quirked slightly. "She's probably right. According to Duo, big brother is surprisingly possessive."

"She's right about one thing. I'm going to ask Catherine to become my wife. Everything else can be worked out. What's really important is how we feel about one another, not who I am or how much money I have or what she does for a living."

Trowa lifted his eyebrow quizzically. "Relena said that?"

Quatre blushed, "No. Um, actually, she told me to go after her and not stop until I got her."

Trowa slid his hands in his jacket pocket and turned away. Before he walked off, he paused and gave him a smile. "Good for you. Quatre? Take care of them both."

Quatre tilted his head questioningly. "What do you hope to achieve with this, Trowa?"

"Relena is cleaning house, so to speak. Soon there will be nothing left to distract her from curling up somewhere to live in her own little dream world, needing nothing or no one other than memories of Heero. Like it or not, he's dead. I wont let her pretend differently. It's not what he would have wanted, either. I won't give her the chance to become complacent."

"He?" Quatre pressed gently, "Or you? What happened the last time you saw her? She reacted strangely today when I mentioned you might accompany us to Arabia. It was only for a second, too fast to make any sense out of it, but when I pressed her, she shut me out."

Trowa's eye's widened before a smile softened his solemn demeanor. "Good. I don't want her comfortable around me, she can save that for her brother."

Quatre smiled ruefully, "Why are you so sure she'll come?"

He shrugged, staring pensively into memories of the past. "Just a feeling, but I've learned to not ignore them." He lifted his eyes, meeting Quatre's compassionate look. "Keep me posted if nothing changes. I'll see you tonight."

He nodded as Trowa turned and disappeared through the crowd.



Relena closed her eyes as the limo pulled smoothly away from the curb, taking her home—no—to the house, a house that wasn't really hers, one that by all rights should be her brother's and his wife's. Was Milliardo so insistent on them staying together for love, or because of some endless need to do penance for his perceived failures? She frowned, shaking her head. Trying to reason this out by a measure of normalcy was impossible. Nothing about any of their lives was normal, so what did she really know about it for comparison? All she knew for sure was whether instinct, a feeling, which ever, no one else was going to suffer because of her. It was well pass the time Relena had a place to call her own. One of the Peacecraft children should have a family, and it looked like her brother would be the lucky one. This visit to Quatre's would be the stepping-stone to gently easing Milliardo toward letting go and living for himself.


Relena walked from the bathroom toweling her hair dry. Trial and error, and several bruised shins, had taught her the urgency of learning to safely navigate her room. She dropped the towel in the laundry; crossing to her vanity, she took her comb and started working it through her hair. She felt exhausted. She had geared herself up for a battle and, in the end, there had been very little need. Milliardo had readily acquiesced to her wishes. Even her insistence that with Quatre's Maguanacs guards, her own accompanying her would hardly be required. A soft knock distracted her from her thoughts. "Come in."

"Relena? Am I disturbing you?" She smiled and shook her head no. "Lucrezia, are you the one I have to thank for the ease of my victory?"

She laughed, "No, not really. Unlike your brother, I see the similarities enough in you both to know once you've made up your mind, trying to change it is useless. I just reminded him that you both share that same facet of your personalities."

Lucrezia came over and guided Relena to the bed. Taking the comb, she sat behind her and started slowly running it through her hair. "Why now, Relena? This is your home, too."

"Lucrezia, I'm in my twenty's, and you and Milliardo need time to yourself as well. Besides,” she murmured, “Milliardo needs to heal as well, and I can't help him with that, but you can."

Lucrezia paused in combing her hair. "You don't have to leave us for that. We love you."

She leaned back against Lucrezia for a moment. "I know you do." Shifting forward, she stood and turned, staring at where she knew Lucrezia to be. "So show me. Make me an aunt." Lucrezia’s laughter wobbled tearfully. "Shssh." Relena moved forward kneeling in front of her. "Don't do this."

Lucrezia reached up, brushing back Relena's hair with her fingers. "I want you to find happiness as well. I want you to see again. I want those eyes showing the wonder once more at the world..."

Relena interrupted her softly. "I want Heero alive and safely with me, but some things aren't meant to be."

The older woman inhaled brokenly. "Do you really believe that?"

Relena looked upward, as if seeking answers. "How can I not?” she asked poignantly.

Lucrezia took her hands and helped her up. Holding them companionably, she stared at their linked hands. "So when will you leave?"

Relena shrugged, "At the end of the week. I think Quatre is making the arrangements. I believe this is a really important visit for him, as well, especially with Catherine there."

"So he's finally worked up the courage to pop the question, hmm?"

Relena listened to the humor in Lucrezia's voice and smiled. "I certainly hope so."

"And Trowa?"

Relena eyes narrowed in concentration, seeking possible hidden meanings. "Why do you ask?"

When she answered, Relena couldn't detect anything suspicious, so she relaxed slightly. "I don't think so. After all, he does have responsibilities to the Preventers. Besides, I don't really know Trowa well enough to say what his plans may or may not be."

"Relena…" Lucrezia's voice was wounded worried. "Is something wrong? Have you and Trowa had words?" She moved toward the vidphone. Placing her hands out along the desk, she located the phone before sitting.

Relena turned her head and forced her mouth to smile humorlessly. "Lu, can you see Trowa Barton wasting time in having words with anyone?"

"All right then." She stood and moved across the room to leave. "I trust you to know what you’re doing, but should you need someone to listen, I'm here."

Relena smiled tremulously "I'll remember."

"Goodnight."

"Night, Lucrezia."

When the door closed, she turned toward the phone. With a combination of counting and touch, she dealt with the necessary steps to contact Quatre. Smoothing her damp hair back, she adjusted her nightshirt a bit better so it appeared like an ordinary t-shirt. A voice smoothly identified the Winner residence and after telling them her name and purpose, she was immediately connected.

"Relena, I didn't expect to hear from you so soon."

"No?" She smiled ruefully, "I couldn't keep you on pins and needles now could I?"

"Does that mean…?"

She nodded, "Thank you for your kind invitation,” she said primly, “I would love to visit your home. I'll enjoy talking to Catherine. The few times we've met have always been a pleasure. But you owe me big time."

"I don't understand."

She shrugged, causing her shirt to slide down, slightly exposing the delicate looking flesh between her neck and shoulder. "You didn't think taking on Milliardo came without a price? I want to be a bridesmaid at the least."

"O, was it bad?"

Relena's mouth tilted slightly at the corners. "I persevered. Quatre? Quatre are you blushing?"

"Lena…” he warned.

"Ok, spoilsport..." Settling down to the matter at hand, she asked, "When do we leave?"

"Is Thursday night alright?"

Her eyebrow lifted questioningly. "Eager, aren't you? Thursday is fine."

She could hear the smile in his voice. "Great, we'll come by and pick you up around two."

Relena went still. "We?"

"Trowa has decided to come along with us and stay a few days, isn't it great?"

She bit her lip nervously before nodding. "Lovely."

"I'll see you then…"

Resigned she sighed. "Very well. Thursday it is, Quatre."

"Goodnight, Relena."

Quatre disconnected then looked up. "Well, she seems much more relaxed. She looked almost like her old self. You know, Heero once told me when she smiled at him like that, he was struck speechless,” he said musingly.

Trowa's mouth quirked, "I noticed."

Quatre grinned at him, amused. "Well you got your way, she's coming. But do you know what you’re doing?"

Trowa shrugged. "No more than you do, I guess. We'll rely on instinct, it got us through several jams."

Quatre looked at him doubtfully. "That's what I thought you would say. This is going to be a long few weeks."