Standard Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing *cries* and as far as I know nobody is making any profit off this. I also do not own the song “You Don’t Know” *cries again. * So don’t sue me! Please!
Warning: I am warning you ahead of time that this is a Heero/Relena songfic using the song “You Don’t Know” by 98 Degrees. If you don’t like anything in the previous sentence I will not accept any flames. If you want to comment on something actually in the fanfiction, either positive or negative, I’m open for suggestions on how to make it better.
Author’s Note: The song will be in a different font than the rest of it, and the rest should be normal. But thoughts will be written in Italics. It’s mostly from Relena’s perspective, but written in third person. This is something I just came up with when I heard this song and thought it would be perfect for GW. Keep in mind, I have never written a songfic before, so here goes nothing.
Quick Summary: Relena is thinking about Heero, and wishing he would come back. She knows he won’t, because he obviously never had any feelings for her (*cough* What? Why are you looking at me?), and he doesn’t know how she feels. (^.^ Sound good so far?)
Anything?
Relena came down the stairs to the ballroom and tried not to smile at the looks she got. She wore a white dress, which billowed out in a skirt with pink trim. The sleeves were white and came out around her hands. It had a V-neck collar and came down low in the back. Her brother didn’t approve of course, but he never did.
Who could know the
emptiness inside?
Every time I see your face
Too many feelings left
behind
Do you wonder why?
But Relena wasn’t interested in what he thought. She only cared what one man thought. Her eyes searched the balconies and dark corners and she caught sight of him in one corner, almost hidden by people. She couldn’t stop the flow of emotions rushing through her at the sight of him, so she waited for them to pass. They did, but as soon as they were gone she wanted them back. Anything was better than the emptiness she felt now.
I turn away when you look
at me
Never wanting your eyes to
see
This desperate heart that
knows
How perfect we could be
He turned her way, his Prussian-blue eyes piercing through her. She turned away from his gaze. She felt something when he looked at her. It was an indescribable feeling. Deep down, Relena knew it was love, but she wouldn’t admit to it. She thought that she and Heero would make a perfect couple, but it wasn’t meant to be.
Baby ‘cause:
You don’t know how I feel
Living my life without you
Baby and:
You don’t know what it’s
like
Loving you all this time
He had no idea what she was feeling. And that was the worst part of it. He never knew I felt anything for him. She was called to the stage to make a speech. As she spoke, she searched the crowd. The other four Gundam pilots and their girlfriends stood together in a group, all silently cheering her on. Lady Une was there as well, but no one knew where. She had stopped really appearing at social functions when Treize had died.
She saw Heero again, and couldn’t help but wonder if he did know. Maybe he knows I love him, and he just doesn’t return my feelings. I won’t ask him. I couldn’t face it if that was true. She had felt things for him for a long time. Almost since we met, it seems… but that wasn’t true. Her feelings had arisen after their first meeting, when she had seen how truly amazing he was.
Her mind reverted to a conversation they had shared while on the Libra battle station (Oh, and by the way she is still making her speech. She doesn’t have to think about it while she talks. It’s a politician thing.) It was more of an argument really. She had watched him hack into the main computer, and told him how amazing he was. His only reply was to turn away from her and say, “I’m nothing compared to you”. She couldn’t believe it, then or now. I mean, sure she promoted ideals of total pacifism, and she had become Queen because of it, but him… He had saved the world and the colonies countless times.
So, she
pressed the issue. She still remembered the look in his eyes as he turned to
her and replied, “don’t make me say it again. I’m nothing compared to you”.
Now, as she looked back on it, she had often wondered what he meant. And why did he come in the first place? For
me, or for Milliardo? Maybe for both of us…And does he really mean to kill me?
I’ll give you all my love,
heart and soul
Risking it all on a chance
And now when I need you
the most
You don’t know
She finished her speech, looking through the crowd one more time before stepping down from the podium. He didn’t even say ‘hello’. Not like I expected to. The funny thing is, and she smirked to herself as she thought of it, if he came down from that balcony, no matter the reason, I would accept him with open arms.
The princess mentally smacked
herself. Who are you kidding? He’s not
coming. He doesn’t even know how I feel. If he came, it would be to kill me,
definitely not to talk. Or to… NO. Stop that line of thought right now, Relena!
All I ever wanted in this
world
Baby I found in you
I’ve never felt this way
before
But I can’t break through
The only thing Relena could think of as she danced was Heero Yuy. Gundam pilot 01, the perfect soldier. It really wasn’t fair to her dance partners. She would daydream about Heero as they talked to her. Afterwards she would feel guilty for not paying attention. Then another handsome man would ask her to dance and she would accept, getting up on her aching feet for the what seemed like the umpteenth time this night. Once her feet touched the floor, and the danced started, she would do it all like a robot as her mind wandered. She recalled a similar time when she had danced with Heero. Only, then she had her mind solely on her dance partner.
He was everything she ever wanted. Sure, he could open up a little…(Remember people, she’s in love with the guy. No guarantee she’ll be thinking clearly about his faults here.) But he was wonderful. He was beautiful, no denying that. The Prussian blue of his eyes, and the way his hair fell left him with an air of mystery that made you want to try and understand him. You never can. I found that out the hard way.
She
didn’t disillusion herself into thinking he had a girlfriend. The way he acted,
no girl could ever get close. At least not without being on the receiving end
of the ‘patented Yuy death glare’. She couldn’t help but smile at the many
times Duo had complained that his ‘best friend’ glared at him.
And now I lie awake, alone
at night
So afraid now to close my
eyes
Just one more dream of you
I’ll carry here inside
After the party, she had gone straight to her room. Now the former Queen of the world lay on the bed, dressed only in a nightshirt, with the covers flowing around her body. She was trying not to close her eyes. So afraid of what she would find when sleep claimed her. By the circles under her eyes, one could tell this had happened many nights before, although she covered it well with her make-up.
Every
time her eyes closed, she would find dreams of Heero. She would wake up crying,
her bed soaked with tears. It wasn’t that he made her sad, quite the opposite
actually; it was the thought of being without him any longer. And the fact that
she knew it was only a dream. Only a
dream… Oh how I wish it wasn’t. She didn’t want another night like that.
She didn’t need it. And she definitely didn’t need another of the kind of
mornings that always followed.
Baby ‘cause:
You don’t know how I feel
Living my life without you
Baby and:
You don’t know what it’s
like
Loving you all this time
Now that I think about it, it probably wouldn’t be this way if I had told him. No Relena! You can’t think like that. Why not? another part of her mind asked. Why can’t I? It’s not like it’s wrong. If I had told him then how I felt, maybe he wouldn’t have left. Now all I have left is this bear, she thought as she hugged his present to her tighter. She could almost smell his scent on the bear; almost.
But he doesn’t know how I feel, and it’s all my fault. “If only he knew how I felt. If only he knew how it hurts me to live without him, how it hurts everyday…
I’ll give you all my love
Heart and soul
Risking it all on a chance
And now when I need you
the most
You don’t know
Oh no…
You don’t know
“I’d
give anything…” she whispered. Anything
for you to come back… But you won’t, will you?
Because you have no
idea what I feel for you.
On the
far side of the room, in a dark corner, a shadow looked up. “Anything?” it
asked quietly.
And I would hold you all
through the night
I would stay right by your
side
And I’d give you the world
If your love was mine
Relena didn’t have to look up to know who it was. “Anything,” she said again. He came closer, and she saw him again for the third time that night, and the first day in three years. He looked the same as before. His shoulders were a little wider and his muscles more pronounced, but it was still him. And by the gun in his hand, she could tell he was still the perfect soldier.
Now baby could it be I’m
only dreaming?
Don’t let it pass me by
“And what do you want in return?” he asked.
You, she wanted to say. But she couldn’t get the word out. “Nothing,” she said finally.
He raised an eyebrow. “Everybody wants something,” he said.
She fought with herself over whether to tell him or not. In the end her heart won out. “I want you to stay here,” she said. “With me.”
“Ninmu
Ryoukai (translation: Mission Accepted).”
Baby ‘cause:
You don’t know how I feel
Living my life without you
Baby and:
You don’t know what it’s
like
Loving you all this time
I’ll give you all my love
Heart and soul
Risking it all on a chance
You don’t know
Baby you don’t know…
~Mara~
Well that’s it! Finally… I think it was okay, but e-mail me any comments you have. And ways you think I can make it better. If you don’t like 98 Degrees that’s not my problem. I warned you! It says so in the Author’s note at the top. Anyway, I’ll take anything other than those specified above. Comments, criticism, editing (I’m not very good at that), or anything else you can think of.
I’m also thinking of ideas for a new fanfic. If you have something you think I could use, go ahead and send it to me.