Butterflies

><><

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Heero, Relena, Gundam Wing in general, etc, etc. 
Those credits go to (and I remembered them now!!!) Sunrise, the Sotsu 
Agency, and ANB. I am not writing this story to make a profit, only to get 
some good comments to restore my continuously hacked at self-esteem. You'd 
never realize what the yaoi people do to you... Steal my idea and die. Story 
(C) Mika Tsukino 2000-2001. NEW MILLENNIUM, BABY!!!!!!!!!

WARNING: This is my first deathfic o_0. I usually can't stand them, but 
since this one is a little different then the normal ones where Relena dies 
and Heero goes all OOC "boo-hoo", I think it's better then you'd expect. 
Comments and critism on this attempt p-l-e-a-s-e!!!

NOTE: This is a semi-character study of Heero. I worked day and night (ok, 
so I'm exaggerating, but who cares? ^_^) to get him as well as Relena in 
character- DIE OOCNESS!!!- and I hope I did a good job. Peeps, I need 
comments! PLEASIES!!! Send anything you have (I take scraps of old comments 
^_^) to me at mikazuki_usagi@hotmail.com PLEASE! Thank you and God bless!

http://heerorelena.8m.com

><><

"Odin? Odin! Where are you?"

"Right here, Mama!" The little brown-haired boy called back to his mother 
gleefully, not stopping his digging in the dirt for anything. He pounded the 
plastic shovel into the packed earth, hoping to find a treasure; which to 
him would be as simple as a penny or a shiny pebble.

The boy's mother spotted him, crossing the open field of the park they were 
in, taking off her wide-brimmed hat as she entered the shade of the trees. 
"Odin, what are you doing?" she questioned, bending down to her son's level, 
careful not to let her long skirt drag in the soil. "We have to go home now, 
you know."

He looked up, mischevious blue eyes twinkling. "But Mama, I'm digging for 
the lost pirate treasure! Papa told me I have to find it or else I won't get 
a birthday party!"

She laughed lightly, her own blue eyes shining. Tucking strands of golden 
blonde hair behind her ears, she set her hat back on her head and lifted the 
little boy up in her arms, taking the shovel from him and shaking the dirt 
off of it. "Papa was only kidding, Odin. You know how your father is. We'd 
better hurry home, or else we'll miss cake and ice cream time..."

"YAY! Cake and ice cream!" He cheered merrily, and shifted to ride piggyback 
on her shoulders as they walked towards the exit of the colony's public 
park. "How old am I, Mama?" he asked suddenly.

"Today, Odin, you're six years old." She looked back at him. "But that's 
still not old enough to run off by yourself in the park. Don't go off 
without me again, ok?"

"Kay." He hummed a little tune to himself as she walked, carrying his weight 
with ease. Suddenly he gasped, pointing. "Mama! Look! What's that?"

She blinked. "Hmm?" Looking up, she saw the small creature fluttering across 
their path and smiled. "Why, Odin, that's a butterfly. They're not very 
common here, but on Earth..."

"It's pretty." The little boy reached out to touch it as they stopped 
walking to admire it. "It's orange and black, right?"

"Very good." She watched him, then laughed lightly as the butterfly 
flittered away from his finger, thrust out in its path. "Watch, Odin." 
Stretching out her hand slowly towards the butterfly, it flitted about for a 
few seconds, then settled down on her outstretched finger. Odin watched with 
wide, amazed eyes. "How'd ya do that, Mama?"

She smiled slightly, admiring the small life perched on her finger. "All you 
have to do is be gentle, Odin. If you're too forward with life, it'll run 
away from you." Lifting her hand up slightly, the butterfly spread its wings 
out and flew up into the sky that seemed to go on forever, even if it was 
only the top of the sheltered colony.

Suddenly the colony began to shake. Mother and son looked around, panicked, 
then heard the same booming voice everyone else did: "This is the Romafeller 
Organization! We order this colony's surrender to our power immeadiately!"

"Mama...I'm scared..." Odin clung to his mother tightly, who was frowning up 
at the sight of mobile suits in the colony. "Romafeller..." Raising her 
voice, she shouted at the top of her lungs: "We'll never submit to your 
power!!!"

And the shots rang out...

><><

That's the one memory I have left of my mother.

I don't know too much about my childhood. All I've been told or can 
distinguish from the excrutiating pain of ten years of training is my name, 
brief history, and a few short, undetailed memories. I was born Odin Lowe 
Jr., named after my father, the first Odin Lowe...I think my mother's name 
was Misaki. At least that's what Dr. J told me.

My parents came from Japan, both of them, and moved to the colonies three or 
four months before I was to be born. They settled on an L1 colony, and my 
birth certificate shows that I was born on that same colony in the year of 
After Colony 178.

No memory is as precious as the last one of my mother. While it is sweet, 
innocent, and somewhat emotional, it also has a dark side. Romafeller killed 
my mother that day. And I witnessed it all, standing there in my six years 
of life, witnessing my own dear parent being shot to death by mobile suits.

I swore that day to avenge her death.

My father wasn't really a caring type of person. While he was fighting 
against OZ, it wasn't all for my mother's death, more because he hated 
restrictions. He slapped me around a bit, and never took really good care of 
me. There were even rumors that he wasn't my real father, but since I was as 
young and naïve as I was, I didn't care. I did whatever he told me to until 
he was killed.

Someone eventually handed me over to Dr. J. He saw the anger burning inside 
of me and tried to control it by training me to become a mobile suit pilot, 
then later, a Gundam pilot to take part in Operation Meteor. But his 
training, rather then helping me get revenge for the death of the two people 
I loved the most- that is, when I still knew what love was- ground all 
emotion out of me. I was to be a perfect soldier, one without a heart or a 
conscience to taunt or distract me. While this was partly Dekim Barton's 
doing, I still blame Dr. J for making me who I am.

Those years were ultimately painful, and made me into a soldier without a 
soul, one who couldn't even feel for other people. I think that was how 
Quatre put it when he was describing me once. I was given a code name before 
I was sent to Earth, one that would eventually become my name for life, 
shoving Odin totally out of the way. And the name seemed to fit my coldness- 
it kind of sounded cold.

Heero Yuy.

And that's who I am.

><><

I lie on my back in the field of uncut grass, breathing in the sweet smells 
of spring and finding it hard not to let a tranquil smile cross my face. 
It's always peaceful around here, around the remains of this kingdom many 
once called home. Total pacifism became a reality here. The Sank 
Kingdom...it brings back memories of the old days.

I come here often, to its ruins, usually just to relax and try again to 
figure out what to do with my life. I've abandoned war and hatred, so for a 
soldier who's grown up only *with* that war and hatred, I'm not quite sure 
where it is I'm now going in life.

Birds chirp overhead, swooping from tree to tree with their wings outspread. 
I hear the faint chatter of chipmunks also in the trees, scampering around 
in a search for food. I watch and listen to all of this, partially amused at 
the carefree nature of the creatures around me.

If only I could be like them...

I suddenly hear someone humming, faintly, on the other side of the field. I 
don't even have to look up to know who it is. She comes here almost every 
day, collecting wildflowers and enjoying a walk in the place she once called 
home. I don't dare to move, or else she might see me. And that might give me 
away...

Relena...

Silently praying she won't look this way, I roll over onto my stomach and 
flatten myself down into the tall grass, raising my eyes to watch her. She 
hums to herself, bending down every so often to pick small flowers from 
their roots and place them in the basket she carries. There's a little smile 
on her face, and her eyes are as blue as ever, even bluer than the spring 
sky.

It once again strikes me how much she reminds me of my mother. Sweet, 
innocent, kind, caring, and expecially with that beauty of hers...Relena's 
almost like the reincarnation of the woman I once loved the most. My eyes 
widen when that thought reaches me, and I can't help but wonder...

Do I love her?

Shaking my head as if to shake away that thought, I try to think about other 
things besides her. But my mind keeps going back to the same subject over 
and over, so I am forced to try and sort things out. I loved my mother 
dearly...and Relena's so much like her, promoting pacifism just as she 
did...did I love Relena because she's so much like my mother? Or was it 
more?

She's closer to me now, and I keep my eyes trained on her as she bends down 
again, picking another little flower. She suddenly stops and looks up, and I 
raise an eyebrow as a little butterfly flutters towards her. She smiles 
kindly, extends her finger out, and the little creature settles down on her 
hand. That memory of my mother doing the same thing comes back, and I can't 
help but watch, in awe, as she lets it fly off again.

Maybe it is because she's like my mother...but either way...I can't help but 
to admire her...

I watch her for a moment longer, thinking back to what I was told when I was 
a child...to be gentle...had Relena grown up under that policy? I hadn't; 
all my kindness had been squashed out of me. But to see her living such a 
good life, being so gentle with nature...I envied her. That uncanny knack 
for dealing with creatures both she and my mother had...I was jealous of it.

To be closer to her, though, might help...it might let her teach me how to 
be gentle...

She turns, her back to me, and I silently get to my feet, walking up behind 
her without making a sound. She somehow seems to sense someone coming, 
though, and whirls around only to come face-to-face with me. She yelps, 
obviously surprised, then relaxes slightly. "You scared me," she explains.

"Sorry." I see her blushing slightly and realize she's probably embarrassed 
that I caught her in a kind of private time. "Kind of funny we run into each 
other again," I say, keeping my eyes locked on hers.

She looks away. "Why's that?"

I can tell she doesn't want to talk. I don't say anything, and she shifts 
uncomfortably under my gaze. "No reason," I finally say, and turn away. 
"I'll leave you to yourself," I say, walking back in the direction I came 
from. If she doesn't want to see me, I won't make her-

"Heero! Wait!"

Her yell actually surprises me, and I turn around, watching her run to my 
side. "I'm sorry," she apoligizes. "I just haven't seen you for so 
long...almost a year, now, since the last event with Marimeia..." She sighs 
slightly. "I never expected to see you again, to be honest. You have an 
uncanny ability to show up when you're needed most, but since it seems no 
one really needs you..."

The words she speaks unintentionally hurt me. "So you don't need me?" I say 
in a flat voice. She realizes what she said and gasps. "No, I didn't mean it 
like that...I...I just meant that since the other pilots aren't in any sort 
of trouble..." She's struggling to get to her point. "Heero, no one is in 
any danger, so I figured you would never be back. After all, with the idea 
of pacifism a reality now..."

"You could still be in danger." I'm still hurting a little. I was foolish, 
thinking she'd act like how she would have acted three years ago, were we 
put into this same situation. I had expected her to come to me with open 
arms or run away...and now she was doing neither.

She doesn't need me. The words could kill.

But I need her...

"I doubt that," she says softly. "The others make sure I'm ok. We're getting 
along just fine with the protection that we have. And no one has ever tried 
anything, either. I could be wrong, but I believe I'm perfectly safe. 
Milliardo has seen to that."

"I see." I know I sound harsh, but I'm practicly fuming. She let Zechs 
convince her that she was safe! I thought she was smarter than that! After 
all she's gone through, she let her brother convince her that she would be 
fine without me around-

"Heero...?" She's looking up at me, an eyebrow raised. "Is something wrong?"

I nod, hard. "You're not safe. Your brother doesn't realize that there are 
still rebels around who would do anything to take your life. Some people 
just don't warm to your idea of pacifism very quickly."

The blueness in her eyes suddenly darkens, and she sets her expression in a 
glare. I glare back, refusing to move my eyes. "You're walking into a trap 
if you think his method of protecting you is going to work."

She doesn't flinch, not even slightly. "Then what do you suggest I do?" Her 
voice contains sarcasm. "Maybe *you* should be watching me, making sure I 
don't get myself killed. You must think that you're the only one good enough 
to take care of me."

"No, I-"

"You're jealous." The way she says it, so plainly, causes me to drop my 
glare and just stare at her. She looks more angered than I have ever seen 
her. "You're jealous that *you're* not the one making sure I don't get hurt. 
You must think that you should be the one who does everything for me. 
Listen," she begins, her eyes boring into mine, "you had your chance. I 
waited for you, but when you didn't show up, I decided to move on with my 
life without you." She turns away. "I figured you just didn't care for me."

Swallowing hurts, but I do it anyway, then speak. "Relena, I care for you 
more than you realize. To be honest, I think you would be better protected 
under my care than the guards your brother sends for you."

She says nothing, so I continue. My voice trembles as I speak again. "I just 
don't want to see you end up like my mother did. She didn't deserve her 
death, and neither do you."

"Your mother." Her voice makes me wince. "You're comparing me to your 
mother?"

"You have to understand, Relena." I can't keep myself from coming closer to 
her. "You're so much like her, in the ways you talk and act...you even 
almost look like she did...except..." I come up behind her, lifting strands 
of honey-colored hair up in my fingers and watching them shine in the 
sunlight. "You have this way about you...every single thing you say or do is 
just so perfect..."

I catch her blushing. She doesn't look quite as mad any more- I probably 
charmed her out of being furious. "Flattery won't get you farther than it 
has already," she says in a low tone, somehow managing to counter after I've 
stunned her.

"Really?" My fingers rest gently on her shoulders, slowly moving down her 
arms and to her hands. Her blush grows deeper, and I try to ignore the voice 
inside my head questioning my actions. Damn that voice...it's always been 
there, stopping me from embracing my humanity again. But now it won't stop 
me. My fingers intertwine with hers and I pull her back against me. "It's 
getting me further than I expected," I say, knowing what her reaction will 
be. She quickly yanks away, and I let her go. That single moment, with her 
in my arms, was all I needed. "Don't try to charm me into agreeing with you, 
because I won't. You're just- you're just overprotective!"

"You might think it's that, but I think it's just that I care about you." I 
fold my arms and watch her. "I thought you wanted me around, but maybe I was 
wrong."

There's silence for a long, long time. When she finally speaks her words are 
well thought-out. "I do want you around, Heero, but I don't want you looking 
over my shoulder every five seconds to make sure I'm not in any danger." She 
slowly turns to face me, but her eyes don't meet mine. "I needed you as 
someone I could depend on to love me...not as a bodyguard."

I listen to her words silently, then I reach out and lift her chin up in my 
hands. I have never, *ever*, seen Relena cry, besides one single tear when 
we first met, but she was so much on edge now that I could see it happening. 
"Go ahead," I say softly. "Let it out. I understand."

Her whole body trembles as she tries to hold it back for a second longer, 
but then she closes her eyes and tears drip down her face. She's not about 
to throw herself into my arms or anything- she's too independent to do that- 
but I can see she needs me, so I let myself go and bring her there myself. I 
think for a moment, knowing I owe her an apology for hurting her like this.

We were too naïve at that moment to take notice of the two men in the field, 
armed with loaded guns aimed at Relena. Neither of us noticed until it was 
too late, after the gunshots rang out. Their mission had been to assassinate 
Relena.

However, we were both hit, and I fell first, Relena after me, falling beside 
me. I had taken bullets in my time, but this time, this was it. I had been 
shot six times, Relena three. As I realize what happened, I lift my head up 
weakly, taking in the sight of the two men fleeing. "Damn," I whisper. "Damn 
it all..."

"Heero." She was still alive, just barely, and I turn my head to look at 
her, laying close beside me. "I'm going to die, aren't I?"

"Yes, but so am I." We both know that the bullet wounds are fatal, and she 
flinches in pain, dragging her weak body closer to me. I use what's left of 
my strength to reach out and take her back into my arms. "Better here with 
you than alone," I say softly. It's amazing that she's not crying now, even 
when she's been shot. "I'm sorry," I tell her.

"It was bound to happen." Her voice is growing weaker, as is my strength. 
She looks up at me, then pulls herself up far enough to kiss my lips gently. 
Our first kiss comes at such an unfit moment, but I know it can't be helped. 
She settles back down, hugging me close to her, and I rest my chin on the 
top of her head. We both stare up at the blue sky, silent.

A lone butterfly suddenly hovers over us. Relena watches me as I lift a 
single finger, gently, and the little creature settles down on my finger. 
Somehow she knows what to say, even if she has no knowledge of anything 
relating to my childhood. "Your mother would be proud," she whispers softly.

Finally, I have learned how to be gentle. It's a shame that it came too 
late...

The butterfly flies off to join the others, now flying in the sky over us, 
and I close my eyes, listening to the sound of all nature around us. 
Relena's breathing is slowing, and I know mine is too. The butterflies 
flutter in the blue sky peacefully as we let ourselves drift off together 
into an eternal sleep. I can only hope that it will be better this way.

><><

The End

><><

*PLEASE* send me comments, suggestion, critisizm, etc!!! I really want to 
know what all you peeps think of this one! I worked my ass off getting the 
death scene right, so I wanna know if it sounds ok. *SD'd Mika grabs SD'd 
Quatre from running off to read another fic and yells.* SEND COMMENTS!!!!!!